“Viste la novela anoche?” a.k.a “Argentine Soap-opera“

First off I want to say that before Botineras I had never been a fan of Argentine television. In fact, I quite despised it, finding that it was only slightly better than those idiotic Mexican soap-operas everyone’s always making fun of, and my week would revolve around watching a new Grey’s Anatomy, Weeds and True Blood episode. That all changed when I was going down the 9 de Julio one day, heading towards the ‘obelisco’, and almost swerved out of my lane, narrowly avoiding crashing another car. The reason for my distraction, and you might know what I’m taking about, is a certain ‘Eyelit’ underwear add that towers over the avenue, displaying an argentine Adonis buffer than Beckham, also known as Cristian Sancho, one hand raising his Argentine football team t-shirt and revealing a set of impeccably polished abs, so hot you could fry an egg on them.
    Obviously, being a typical twenty-one-year-old, the first thing I did was call up a friend and say ‘boluda! Viste el cartel de Cristian Sancho en la 9 de Julio!?’ She then went on to tell me that this model slash actor was currently starring in an Argentine television show called ‘Botineras’, the title coming from the name given to women who try to score rich football players (football as in the game where you kick a ball around with your foot, not the American version in which you use your hands and should therefore have a different name. And I refuse to say soccer), sort of like gold-diggers for this particular sport. That same night, at 10.45pm on Telefe, I was first introduced to this world of the Argentine soap-opera. I was hooked, and it was the start of a beautiful relationship, in which every night, from Tuesday to Friday at 10.45pm I switch my cell phone off and log out of Facebook, refusing for anything to come between me and my Botineras.
    The show follows the life of the star player of the fictitious football team Cristal, Christian ‘el Chiki’ Flores, and the people in his life, from his evil-bitch wife and Botinera Marga to his sweet-but-stupid buddy Anguila and his shady manager Tato Marin. Mia is the fake identity of undercover cop Laura who delves into el Chiki’s world by posing as a Botinera in order to investigate a couple of murders and shady deals that seem to involve Tato and dastardly but fit as hell lawyer Nino Paredes. Okay, all of this was redundant, since I don’t really give a rat’s ass about these characters but I wanted to give you a small overview. Cristian Sancho plays Manuel ‘el Flaco’ Riveira, one of el Chiki’s teammates who has recently arrived from playing abroad and moved in with his own Botinera wife and two children into Tato’s house, since Tato is also his manager. El Flaco’s secret is… drum roll please… he is GAY, and Lalo’s, el Chiki’s bratty cousin, who is also a Cristal player, male lover! El Flaco is torn by his Brokeback Mountain affair with Lalo with and his need to stay safely hidden in the closet, since, as Tato puts it so finely, ‘no hay gays en el football’, exposing the typical, yet clearly deluded, Argentine view on this macho sport.
    Then, on the 10th of April, all of us faithful viewers were blown away: el Lalo and Flaco, after secret kisses and lingering looks, finally had sex. As in, they actually did it, they got it on, on national television, in Argentina, which is really Catholic. DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW CRAZY THAT IS!?

Okay, it was cheesy in typical soapy style, with a soft glow that accentuated the rippling muscles on the naked guys and some sort of warbling that passed off as a romantic music, but it was surprisingly tastefully done. Okay, so at one point Lalo is seen kissing his way down el Flaco and then vice versa, but the scene ends with el Flaco embracing Lalo from behind (I don’t want to say spooning because that makes it sound pervy and graphic and it wasn’t, it was sweet and soft) and the camera panning out slowly.
    Of course, the ratings of the TV show soared, and it was all everyone could talk about for a couple of days. Currently, el Flaco and Lalo are sort of on the outs, and I was considering not watching the show anymore, but I have to admit, however reluctantly, that I am currently addicted to the other storylines as well, because there is nothing as fun as screaming all sorts of colorful words at Marga whenever she graces the screen, like ‘forra maldita perra hija de puta!’ and having the maid come running into the room asking what’s wrong and why you’re screaming (saying ‘maid’ isn’t discriminatory or whatever in Argentina, by the way. Some of them live with us and are part of the family, like a second mother that has to take you to the park when you’re a kid because your real mother can’t be bothered to).
Watch the beloved first sex scene...
    Currently Botineras is slated to run throughout July, but there are rumours that it will go on until August, so you’re still in time to switch your TV’s to Telefe at 10.45 from Tuesday to Friday and enjoy the awesomeness that is Botineras, which at times is so ridiculously bad it is painfully good. If this post hasn’t convinced you then just type ‘Eyelit’ in Google image search, but shield your eyes, because Sancho is like an eclipse, if you look at him straight-on he will fucking dazzle you.
    El Flaco y Lalo forever!
    El Pendejo Porteño