"Si usted se dirije a PROVINCIA, el conductor podría optar por: a) Negarse a ir; Y/O cobrar el retorno (vuelta) al perÌmetro de la Capital..." a.k.a "Capital vs. Provincia"

For those of you who rarely leave the island known as Capital Federal, and, let's be honest, there really is no need to, let me tell you about this whole other world known as Provincia. As the child of divorced parents I used to regularly find myself crossing the border, that is the General Paz highway, and venturing from the civilized Capital to the unexplored wilderness, or so I imagine it, of Provincia. (Just a quick note that I am being sarcastic, Provincia is not uncivilized, supposedly, but it is second-nature for those of us from Capital to look down on Provincia)

Okay, folks, it is 'Geography Time', also known as 'plagiarize from Wikipedia Time'! Capital, or 'Ciudad AutÛnoma de Buenos Aires', is the capital of the ‘Rep·blica Argentina’, not to be confused with the capital of Buenos Aires province, which is the city of La Plata. Capital, a city with a population of three million, is part of an urban agglomeration, fancy word, I know, that holds the much larger 'Gran Buenos Aires', also known as, you guessed it, Provincia! Basically, Capital is an autonomous city within the city of Provincia.

Capital holds the swanky and trendy neighborhoods of Palermo, Recoleta and Puerto Madero as well as the not-so-swanky barrios of, for example, Caballito and Villa Urquiza (if you are from either of these barrios please refrain from leaving dirty comments. I am a neighbourhood snob; get over it) Provincia is made up mostly of residential barrios like San Isidro and Olivos, but also holds some nice touristy places, rumor has it, like Tigre.

To try and make it as simple as possible Capital = downtown + hotels + bars and clubs + offices + tourist attractions + museums while Provincia = houses with large backyards + my mother.

Yes, I am biased, but in my honest opinion, all, if not most, of the fun for people coming here from abroad lies in Capital. Everything is here. Even some cab drivers will refuse to take you out of Capital into Provincia, like the title of this post states, because they know Capital is so much cooler and they probably don't want to be seen by their fellow drivers roaming about Provincia.

So now you know the difference between Capital and Provincia and why my mother keeps reprimanding me for not visiting her more often. For those of you on my side of the General Paz, congratulations, and for those of you on the other side, all I can say is we will welcome you with open arms when you realize that the grass is greener on our side.

If you choose to ignore my pleas and roam about Provincia, one of the easiest ways to get there is taking the TBA train, either from Retiro station or any of the following ones. It is sometimes faster taking the train than going by car, though all sorts of people use the train since it is dirt cheap, so I wouldn't recommend this to those of you who are closeted snobs or faint-hearted: prepare yourselves to be harassed by little kids asking for change and 'vendedores ambulantes' who will shove their goods under your nose and, if they realize you are a foreigner, might try to bully you into buying some of their crap. Taking the bus or a car, either a taxi/remis or your own, is another, though less exciting and adventurous, way of getting there. Have fun (not!) when you get there, and if you see my mother say hi for me.

Coming soon will be a Capital-bashing post from my alter-ego, Gisella, 'la cheta de Shan Ishidro', to appease the Provincieros crying out for my blood.

'Buenos dÌas' to all the 'flacos' and 'flacas'

El Pendejo Porteño