Do not be surprised if, after buying a ‘Tita’ or ‘alfajor’ or ‘vauquita’, which you could surely do without and will probably regret later when you’re tottering over your scale and drinking Coca-Cola ‘light’ so as to feel better about yourself, the ‘kiosquero’ smiles at you and asks if you can take some bullshit candy or a piece of gum because he doesn’t have those ‘veinticinco centavos’.
There’s probably more theories regarding where the hell all the ‘monedas’ are than there are theories about Lady Gaga’s gender (which is a really bad simile, I know, since there’s only two genders, right? Or two and a half, if you count the intersex one or whatever it’s called). Some people say the ‘colectiveros’ and leaders of the ‘gremios de transporte’ are keeping them all like pirate booty to increase their value; I’ve also heard the theory that there’s an illegal coin traffic to other countries where the metal is melted and sold as scrap metal since the metal is worth more than the coin in today’s inflated era of K-penguin government; and probably the most ridiculous/hilarious theory about a couple of guys who decided to hoard every coin they ever got. It’s a cool picture, isn’t it? Two guys standing over piles of coins like pimply plunderers guarding their treasure.
But what’s the problem with this coin shortage, you ask? Well, the millions of people who commute and travel around the city of Buenos Aires might give you a couple of reasons. They use trains and the buses, all of which can only be paid with coins, and many times you see the annoying message ‘ingrese cambio exacto’ on the ticket-machine because it’s ran out of change. Even a coin black market has arisen, but these charge you a commission of 3-10%, so if you give them a ten-peso bill you might only get nine pesos back in coins. Fair? No. Argentine? Yes. Have you not heard about ‘viveza criolla’ before? Banks are obliged by the Banco Central de la República Argentina to give change to citizens in exchange for notes, but the queues outside of these places can lead to waiting for a number of hours.
Our dearly elected President, or the crack-whore from Santa Cruz as some of us call her, Cristina Fernandez, announced a couple of months ago that an electronic ticket system would come into place in public transport, but once again she has managed to unabashedly lie through her teeth while clutching her ten thousand dollar crocodile-skin Hermes handbag. Only two ‘lineas de colectivo’ have this electronic-ticket thingie; the rest of them demand coins.
So remember, coins are useful and valuable, especially if you travel around in public transport a lot or are a proud member of the masses or a ‘descamisado’, or one of those communist rich kids who like to feel like being ‘parte del pueblo’ and volunteer to slum it up on the TBA instead of getting a ‘remis’.
And if the ‘kiosquero’ doesn’t have any change and wonders if he can give you candy, next time go for the ‘vauquita’, because those things are fucking tasty and totally worth the I-don’t-want-to-know-how-many calories.
To the ‘gorditos’ and ‘gorditas’ who waddle over to the ‘kiosco’ every chance they get
El Pendejo Porteño
PS: I totally ripped off many of the facts in this post from some BBC article
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